Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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