umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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