oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
