I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
