Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Found the puke drawer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
