I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
