I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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