i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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