so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
