I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize