I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
