i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
