Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
