Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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