DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
