If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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