**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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