When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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