Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
