nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
