You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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