I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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