She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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