puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
