Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize