Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
