gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
