my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
