I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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