i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize