Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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