we're chasing vodka with high fives
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
