Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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