Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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