her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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