You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
