Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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