I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
