A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
