My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
