Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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