If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
