this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
