It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
