My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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