The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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