I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's like iHOP with fire
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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