No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
