Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Someone signed my nipple.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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