i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
