Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
