Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
