so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
