Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
