he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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