I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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