Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
