Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
