God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
