My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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