I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
