your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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