ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
