Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
