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• (404): View more from Georgia

  FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  haha good one..how did you even know?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?

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• (631): View more from New York

  At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN

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• (813): View more from Florida

  As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do

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