a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
