Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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