sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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