She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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