i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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