he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
