How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize