I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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