The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They took my balls.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
