I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
