I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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