It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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