i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
