i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
