Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
