I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize