I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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