this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
