i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
