I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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