just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
