If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
