I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
