I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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