If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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