we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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