so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
