shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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