well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
