suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to calm my uterus...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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