I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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