Your face is a jimmy john
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize