this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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