why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize