I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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