I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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