She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
