She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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