I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
