i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
