I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
